POEM: My Motto

written 5/4/2012

MY BUTT IS BIG
BUT SO ARE MY DREAMS

I DON'T DREAM BY NIGHT
THEN WAKE TO FIND ALL WAS VANITY
I DREAM BY DAY, OPEN SIGHT
ACTING OUT DANGEROUSLY WITH SANITY

I PLAY IN FIRST, TRAIN LIKE I'M BEHIND
ON THE GRIND
ATHLETE STATE OF MIND

JUST LIKE MY BUTT, BIG CAN DESCRIBE MORE OF ME
DON'T LET THE 5'2 MAKE YOU SEE DIFFERENTLY

WHEN YOU SEE ME COMING, YOU ARE DRAWN IN BY THE BIG SMILE AND POSITIVE PERSONALITY
BUT MY SMILE ONLY HIDES THE RAW ENERGY THAT IS SIMMERING INSIDE OF ME

READY TO EXPLODE AT THE DROP OF A PUCK
GO AHEAD, KEEP YOUR GOOD LUCK

YOU WILL HATE TO SEE ME GO, BUT YOU WILL LOVE TO SEE ME LEAVE

MY BUTT IS BIG AND SO ARE MY DREAMS...

2012 USA WOMEN'S INLINE HOCKEY TEAM IS ONLY THE BEGINNING

FOR THOSE WHO DON'T SEE THE BIG PICTURE...

WELL, YOU CAN TRY THE ONE KNEE APPROACH AND...

POEM: For Kate's Birthday

Written: 4/3/2012

Dear Mom,

You brought me to this world,
I was your baby, lov'in, hold'in.

You gave me all your time,
Time 's flown, I've grown,
Grown into flower you were once eh plant'in,
Planting, your talent is outstand'in.

You are amazing,
At raising,
Me,
See?

Remember when I broke?
Broke my wrist, finger, ACL, shoulders, ribs, and more,
Lost count, angels over me, and you always at my door,
Remember when I broke?
My pockets, yeah I was eh poor,
When in need, your who I look for.

You gave me all your time,
Time 's flown, I've grown,
Grown into flower you were once eh plant'in,
Planting, your talent is outstand'in.

You are amazing,
At raising,
Me,
See?

You've worked hard all your life,
Unselfishly, putting up with pain and strife.
You deserve to relax your feet,
Feet, massaged and drink in hand.

I love you more than Baskin loves Robbins,
Your'e the sweetest,
I love you more than the sun taking its stand,
Your'e my sunrise,

You brought me to this world,
I was your baby, lov'in, hold'in.

You gave me all your time,
Time 's flown, I've grown,
Grown into flower you were once eh plant'in,
Planting, your talent is outstand'in.

You are amazing,
At raising,
Me,
See?

POEM: AAA

Written on: 3/28/2012

Here comes the heat,
Sweating to the beat,
Running down the street,
Faster-higher-stronger-smarter to defeat,
Winter layers fallin off of ya,
Burpees, kettlebells drink your wah-tah.

Feet are moving, minds a running,
You know where this path in the park ends,
but no idea where your path of life transcends,
Risk, more than just game, family fun,
Freedom, it's truth watered down by each generation.

Independence, more than Ms. Clarkson,
Life, a game that must be won.

Keeping this flow,
Vibrams on, lookin pro,

Carpe Diem hun, you already know- though.
Keep gettin guys with them cleats, holla-en
Not once been that girl chasin dem.
I'll be the first to let you know,
I have no cheerleader flow,
But looking at me u'd neva know.

Other girls on the fake hair, fake nails, fake chest, fake butt -plan
Then wondering why they can't find a real man.
All these men that mess around,
Hell in a handbasket bound,
Don't deserve a heaven praying women with integrity, success,
I profess.

Are you who you are looking for is looking for?

Listening to my friend Dre,
Run Away Meg, Just Run away,
Only when your car breaks down should you call on a Triple-A (AAA)
Athletes, Actors, Assholes, - destroy you like prey,
So cliche.

Keeping this flow,
Vibrams on, lookin pro,
Carpe Diem hun, you already know- though.
Keep gettin guys with them cleats, holla-en
Not once been that girl chasin dem.
I'll be the first to let you know,
I have no cheerleader flow,
But looking at me u'd neva know.

POEM: Sunday Night Thoughts

via random texts to my friend Allendricks today. 2/19/2012

Jump, fly free,
Take a bugatti to the Grand Prix,
Backdrop blurred blind,
Unrefined,
State of mind.

Laundry folding,
Tea cup holding,
Girl.
Wish I could rap,
Wrap myself around someone sweet,
Hershey kisses,
For the misses,
Please.
Feeling the breeze from my window,
Just remembered to take my gingko,
Get up to go,
Will I escape societies flow?

Falling into bed,
Bible by my head,
Few more verses,
As my soul nurses,
sleep,
deep,
circadian rhythms,
tick tock,
inevitably someday will stop.

POEM: Might say it was a 'Korean' Dream

Might say it was a 'Korean' Dream. Written on 11/9/11

Jet lag,

Circadian rhythms altered.

Sleeping pills not in my bag,

Wishing this job was never offered.

Week one.

Friends made,

Enjoyment of each other's company.

Nightmare beginning to fade,

But still missing somebody.

Month one.

More memories, can’t wait,

Hiking, hooka, feasts, fun.

Dreamlike state,

Although still noticing the sun.

Nearly done.

No longer sure what is real,

No longer know what to do,

Too many things to feel,

This stage in life is too new.

Hold my hand.

Join my involuntary string of sensations, images, ideas and emotions,

Dreams scattered in the sand.

Sailing uncharted oceans.

Time to awake,

Flight back home seemed fake,

90 days of nightmares and dreams,

The travels, my friends, unreal, so it seems.

To know it was real,

Must meet my friends again,

Otherwise it was some sort of Zen.

Some sort of mad-girl made-up ordeal.

POEM: Ship "wrecked"

Written on 10-16-11:

Sailing around with a compass filled with fog,
Not looking around, just a working dog.
I heard a calling about going a narrow way.
Didn’t seem good so I turned my sails away,

I struck Land, territory called love,
Then, I thanked the creator above.
I felt the need to anchor my ship and follow the mann,
God kept blowing wind, for he had a different plan.

Self hatred, more personal difficulties didn’t seem to go,
Plus thoughts of leaving someone I loved, just didn’t flow.
Fought my calling, fought myself, fought the mann.
Mind, body, soul torn to pieces, buried all over the sand.

God’s breeze whispered in my ear,
Time to leave lady, full of fear.
Unburied a few pieces, jumped aboard,
Set my sails, said a prayer and went forward,

No stomach for uncertainty,
No faithful soul,
No room for opportunity,
No finding success, I’m told.

Started sunny, smooth waters, feeling free,
Maybe sailing again won’t be so tough,
Then the clouds appeared over me,
Pounding waters, a storm unimaginably rough,

Several Scars on the outside,
Uncomparable to the scars on the inside,
Hanging on, midst of a storm,
Obedience must take form.

Death, taxes, wrecks,
Life guarantees them all,
Many causes and effects.
God love's his curve-ball.

Obedience isn’t a bullet proof vest, ok sure,
Although, Ephesians 6 says we have an Armor of God to protect,
Knowing the truth, righteousness, faith and more,
Will protects us from sin, not from pain or loss, that we can expect.

From sin, circumstances, and obedience, we will see wreckage.
Through this storm, I am learning this message.
I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties, said Paul.
For when I am weak, then I am strong....this explains it all.

On the ship, in the storm,
On the ocean, in the rain,
Waves crash over me,
Washing me, sins flee.

Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test,
That person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him best.

POEM- Stars In Front Of Me

Written on 4-26-11

Restless nights,
Out of ordinary dreams,
Unsatisfactory days bring no light,
Swimming upstream.

Cry out,
Pray out,

Why do I keep imagining,
Jumping on a jet plane,
Jamming in Jamica,
Sweet dreams in Sweden,
Racing in Rwanda,
Partying in Peru,
Anywhere will do.

Why do I Awake, still in bed,
Wondering,in the future where will I be,
That is unsaid.
Still, maybe I will flee.
Is freedom currently lacking within me?

Bizarre,
Closed my eyes,
Millions of vivid stars,
Limitless Godly skies,
In front of me! not from afar.

What does this mean?
Has to be a sign,
But I can't read the lines between?
Hope my mind can solve and properly define.

POEM- Fridge, round 2

Fridge Poem. Rebecca and Michael's fridge. Written on December 16, 2010

POEM- Maritimer

Maritimer- written on 2/15/11

This fellow sure is a rare breed,
Knows God made man to take chance,
Letting his inner spirit lead,
Presenting boldly in his stance.

New bending path, new creek to leap,
Mountains, and each new moonlight,
A warrior with nowhere to sleep,
Holding faith, love, hope, is just right.

Need of Adventure increases,
World is a chessboard and life's
Daily gestures,the pieces,
Law of nature sometimes strife.

Wild heart and lion of the light,
Silence, coldness, or rejection,
Do not intimidate despite,
Aft ice-masks, hearts of fire.

Knows Humans can be cold,
But strangers will melt their mold,
New friendships, doors open,
The adventures continue to unfold.

POEM- Meet

"Meet" I wrote on 5/11/2010


Heaven blessed our February night.
More than the seasons were changing throughout:
Over the lake, the heavens stars shined bright,
Through the woods we created our own route;
Walked together off the beaten path,
Brick by brick my heart’s walls came downward;
Why did I meet you now, couldn’t do math,
Losing you, something I could not afford;
Our eternal path shall not diminish,
Christian hearts will always beat in heaven;
Trip across the world at last a finish,
From ninety days left to about seven;
Distance cannot divide, keep holding on,
Distance proved our faith to be truly strong.

POEM- Changed and No Longer Deranged

Changed and No Longer Deranged was written on 4/3/2010

I sit here with the setting sun,
Hard to believe my childhood years are done.
Chapter of my future has begun.
Destiny, you cannot run.

Trying new things and learning about the big picture of it all,
God has a plan, have some faith, and don’t dream too small.
It's the simple things in life that are the most outstanding;
Only wise men are able to be so understanding.

Wherever my heart is, there is where I will find my treasure,
Helping others and being surrounded by the ones I love I find pleasure.
Flew across the world to realize I what I was missing in my soul,
God’s love and remembering to love other back, has filled this hole.

Brown-eyed girl meets a Blue-eyed boy,
He knows her heart is not a toy.
He teachers her to quit building fences,
Finally taking back down those defenses.

Thankful he re-opened those window blinds,
Light shined in from all ways, all kinds.
I want to return and reunite.
Not the same, I know what is right.

Loving life, for I have so much,
Smiling and knowing is a cheerful touch.
I now lie here with the rising sun,
Another day to be won,
Stilling missing the blue-eyed-one.

POEM- Cliff Diving

This was Written on 12/16/2009

I haven’t been around the block that long,
Time agrees but my experiences do not.
These experiences perhaps make one strong.
Still with knowledge, I do not know where I belong.
They arrive, then pass by, leaving me there.
Giving my heart a little wear.
Something about this leafless season,
My body and soul shiver grey,
Just hold me and tell me you will stay.
Finally found a warm day!
I sipped this refreshing soul away.
Too good too be true, sigh, sigh,
I doubted he would come back.
I know the roads rupture and disruptively divide,
No way could this ever come alive.
But it has and it could be,
Here I go cliff-diving again,
Hoping someone will sweep me,
Having my magic carpet ride then.
I don’t know why I always chase the prince,
I haven’t slowed down since.
Chasing Romeo, Chasing Romeo,
Not knowing where he will go,
Not knowing if he will come and go.
Fairy tails floating in my head,
Never want to stop dreaming in my bed.
Your last message you had said,
Glad we made a memory in your car,
For it’s going to be sold and gone afar.
Now lay and relive with no lights,
Silly girl, Silly smile, Silly sleepless nights.

They arrive, then pass by, leaving me there.
Giving my heart a little wear.

I know the roads rupture and disruptively divide,
No way could this ever come alive.

Here I go cliff-diving again,
I crave constant adrenaline.

POEM- Sing to you

(Written on 11/30/09)

I wish I could sing,
I would never speak the same,
Be bringing a whole new game,

Hello,
Fellow,
Ohhh eh eh
You don’t say?

My conversations sung all the time,
Rhythms and rhymes,
Know exactly what’s my deal,
Easy listening to how I feel,
I want you to know I am real.

Yours eyes are where I first look,
When we meet I read you like a book,
Left to right, top to bottom,
So attracted, try to stay calm,
Choke up, nervous ticking time bomb,

I wish I could sing,
I would never speak the same,
Be bringing a whole new game,

Hello,
Fellow,
Ohhh eh eh
You don’t say?

I enjoy hugs to be polite and tight,
And walks at night under the moonlight,
I’d be a smooth as a painting from Mr. Van Gogh,
Smooth as a poem from young boy Romeo,
Either way my words would finally flow.

POEM- Direction ?

(Written 12/2/2009)

Balled up in bed,
Lyrics lingering in my head.
The wind is walloping against my window,
Sounds like the rain is pouring in yo.

I keep looking for what’s meant to be,
Nothing in this world worth having comes easy.
But I know when I find it, it will be when I am not looking,
Maybe I should take a break from my endless search then,

Make every obstacle and opportunity,
You never quit, you get through it, you see.

POEM- Beauty and Loneliness

Beauty and Loneliness written 10/20/2009
The men come and go,
It’s become all I know,
Commitment to them is a no.

He said the way my smiled shined,
Highlighted me, and all else was a backdrop blurred blind,
I think that’s his usual line.

Just a another boy trying
Buy my drink, but I’m still not buying,
Your lines, your words, heard it all before.

Then he said, smile sweetie,
It's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
I think that’s his other usual line.

Just a another boy trying
Buy my drink, but I’m still not buying,
Your lines, your words, heard it all before.

He came back for more that hour,
Said, your smile is a sword, and your beauty is power,
I think it’s another usual line.

I guess I got it,
Guess I flaunt it,
But I don’t want it

I finally give in,
Let him him in,
I do not win

The men come and go,
It’s become all I know,
Commitment to them is a no.

When will I know it’s real,
And not another game show deal.
I want more love to feel,
Tired of making my heart having to heal.

Always having to remind myself,

It’s Just a another boy trying
Buy my drink, but I’m still not buying,
Your lines, your words, heard it all before.

POEM- Live with a Wild Heart

Live with a Wild Heart Written 10/20/2009

Woke up to hear someone say,
No skydiving, no play,
So, I live the wild at heart way,
Smiled at the start of today.

Smile when you’re down,
Find something good, look around.
Go for a run and see what’s there,
Your neighbors, the fresh air,

Jump on a plane and a fly free,
Climb some mountains, swim in some seas.
Meet new people, new ways of living,
Eat new food, new ways of giving.

Don’t hold back, Don’t stay in your box,
You will never learn, you will never grow.

Things don’t always go as planned,
Doesn’t mean your day is damned,
Live the wild at heart way,
Smile at the start of having a new day.

There is good all around,
Smiles to share, smiles to be found,
Go for a run and see what’s to be known,
You’ll find some new knowledge to own.

POEM- To A Friend

For Our Newly Blossomed Friendship. Written 8/23/2009
(Note: This poem was written on the back of a painting with a flower on it.)

We were both lost when I first saw you,
We were both looking for fulfillment, trying to make two.

Broken hearts,
Unspoken parts,
Just dancing down the days,
Not knowing how long our paths will stay.

Front here frames a flower,
Simple soft petals
Blossoming beauty
You will find a beautiful flower
And you will be glad you picked her.

You might not find your flower in Charlotte,
You might not find your flower in 80’s Upstairs bar wearing scarlet.

Keep playing your guitar just right,
And just maybe you will find the flower bloom bright.

We were both lost when I first saw you,
We were both looking for fulfillment, trying to make two.

Friendship made,
Paths still foggy and delayed,
Just singing down the sunsets,
Not knowing how long it will take to forget.

True friends are the ones who never leave your heart,
Even if distance and time keeps you apart.
But when you reunite, it’s just where you left off from,
Lots of hugs and then some.

There are things that we never want to let go of,
People we never want to leave behind.
But keep in mind,
Letting go isn’t the end, isn’t making your past blind.
It’s the beginning of a new life, and a new find.

Front here frames a flower,
Open orange petals,
Enchanting essence,
You will find a beautiful flower
And you will be glad you picked her.

POEM- For my mom

Mumsie: written on 8/10/09

My mother, who came down to see me,
Took pictures as I shook professors hands and held my degree,
All of her babies are done with university.

Then we headed to Florida, August weather breaks,
And the rain began, and long drive made us ache.
We finally arrived,
The weather was fabulous and made us feel alive.

The wonderful weekend went by fast,
Wish it didn’t already past.
Good to be with some of my family in the sun,
Good to be without school and free to have fun.

My Mom, I love you dear,
throughout my life you're always somehow near.
Blunt words, big cookies, and baby snuggles to guide my way
You're the sunshine to light my day.

POEM- Final Exam Tomorrow

Yea, I got a final exam tomorrow. The last one, the I should graduate. This is what I am doing...oh boy......(7/20/09 @1AM )


What to do,
When stress consumes you.
Procrastination,
Dreaming of vacation.
Verge of failing,
Submerged in facebooking,
Focus focus,
Can’t be fixed with Hocus Pocus.
Is their truth to Romeo and Juliet,
Watching their love rise and fade in the sun silhouette,
Holding hands,
No one else understands.
Craving the care,
The sweet air,
Don’t judge me with that glare,
Go ahead and sit in your chair,
Remember we all have love we want to receive and share.
Oh, look at the time,
Need to study more of this marketing grime.
Concentrate, concentrate.
Quit trying to pray and weaken this fate.
Mind out of the clouds, and back into the books,
Not gonna be able to pass this one with good looks.

POEM- Love Note To No-One

I wrote this one on November 15, 2007 . (History repeats itself)

Dear Love,
Time ages me and traps me when you’re gone,
But when you’re here freedom sets, and I see dawn.
Eyes meet, hands touch,
Irreplaceable rush.
Souls sew into flesh,
Warm skins snuggle and mesh.
Lips linger,
Listening soul singer.
So beautiful, fearless of expression,
Teach me in a private session.
Bold, bodacious, brilliant you are,
Sharing ideas, adventures,
Dreams never float afar.
A perfect platonic soul mate,
Where are you, should I use bait?

POEM- Lauren’s Graduation Goodbye

This was Lauren’s Graduation Goodbye Poem. She was a wonderful roommate. I am about to graduate this summer and these feelings are coming back to me. This was written 7/31/2008



We drink here forever young,
Hard to believe your four years are done.
Not wanting to turn our pages yet,
Young, not afraid to dream, and not old enough to forget.
Follow your personal legend before too late,
What you always wanted to accomplish is your personal legend-fate.
To realize one’s own destiny is a person’s only real responsibility in life,
Don’t believe the negatives, and don’t fall in the puddle of strife.
You have what it takes, your soul is ready to find,
Everything you dreamed about with your childhood mind.
Read the omens to follow your questions of how,
And understand the word Allah now.
It’s to need not fear the unknown,
If you are capable of achieving that need/want of your own.
You will be missed and we will never forget,
All those memories of partying after the sunset.
It’s time to make a final cheers,
This forever young will wash our fears,
To being original and awesome,
And letting go to our flower of first blossom.

POEM- Back to Being a Nomad

Written 11/14/2008


Moments come and go,
Memories are all you know,
Time will continue to flow,
Live and Learn from mistakes,
Love, you should make.
You see a path you want and think is right,
Then the rain falls and fog puts you threw a fight.
The course changed and flipped you upside down,
And you’re still putting one foot in front of the other foot,
The moments you wanted to last,
Are things that past,
Almost being forgotten because it happened too fast.
Moments come and go;
Memories are all you know,
Time will continue to flow.

~Yours Truly

POEM- from my Fridge

Poem written by me, with random refrigerator magnets. Feb 2008.

If you cant read it, it says,


"She said,
Here we play
Like all artists do
Stage smoke and crowd fire
Record screams in my name
Beneath the bus Tom-Tom jam er bust
Every dance and as DJ do
Write Platinum music about you
Between crank industry rock
Did party light almost lead some medley of who are
Give it an anthem
Why would people let his groove solo be
Language which lyrics hit in radio see
Then through video must ask y
But to cool metal sound
Say I am ."

I've Got a Pretty Cool Hockey Family

Today was day one of Thrashers Youth Hockey Camp. It was great to see all my co-workers/friends again. After work, many of us went to a viewing. Unfortunately, two brothers on our staff had there father pass away a few days ago.

Sooo what did we do? We went to go support them, and took a 45 mile drive together. (Uber, Reagan, Darren, Ryan, Mr.Postal, Killer, Mischa, Eric, Christina, Missy, Uriah and I all went) There were about 5 or 6 cars all following each other on 85, 285, 75 and 575…It was amazing! We all showed up together and all showed our love together.

After, we all went for drinks at a place around the corner. There, Missy, said something, that kinda really hit me. It was just her saying thanks for all of us giving our fathers day afternoon to go see some of our co-workers who needed some support and love. And then she said we are a great family. “A family?” , I thought. “O wow, we really are, and we really are a great one”, I thought after.

I mean, what makes a family? What makes a Strong Family?
• Being close to each other (all throughout hockey season)
• Feeling concern and caring for one another (today proved that)
• Interacting with each other (of course)
• Positive mental health in parents- (our bosses/leaders are very positive)
• Everyday routines. (We got game day routines and coaching clinic routines)
• Spending time together (play hockey, work hockey, party after hockey together)
• Communication and praise (all the time! Love those emails and meetings!)
• Monitoring, supervision, and involvement (yes, yes, and yes…keeps us in line)

We Laugh, We Play, We Work, We Learn, and we support each other all the time. We have our moments of frustration, disagreement, and irritations, but we all make it through. We all have our own personalities and lives beyond our Thrasher world/family, but we still come together. We have our odd balls, our people to look up to, new people coming into the Thrasher family, people who don’t necessarily leave, but need to be absent for awhile and are traveling afar, people who make mistakes, and people who go above and beyond. I feel like I am little sister in this family, and I love it.

My First 24 hours of being 22 years old

What I have learned on Day one of being 22 years old

Well from that midnight on was pretty eventful. Lets just skip some details. I only got 3 hours of sleep and was completely sober. Next morning, cleaned up, took care of a friend’s dog, rushed to work. 10-3 dealt with country club drama, and got caught up in it all. Some things I found out were just so juicy; I had to let it leak out to others. Which, few hours later I regretted. I act then I think. Such a horrible trait to have.

After work I ran errands, saw the dog, cleaned up and headed downtown to see Guster at some free festival…Just in those moments (sober ones, yes, I did not drink on my b.day) I just reflected, got away from the drama, and soaked a few things in. I must say out of my whole day it was like I Experienced, Gathered Information, Learned, Regretted, and then Analyzed it all.

I really do not want to discuss the drama parts, but more of just what I analyzed and realized.


• You only live once
• Don’t judge, or gossip. Everyone has skeletons, they are skeletons, leave them alone, let them rest.
• Growing up hardest part
• Life is too short to be holding onto empty bags and hanging out with street performers.
• Lighting matches in the woods is never a smart idea either.
• God has a plan, he knows I mean well, and will help me get to where he wants me to go.

After that. I thought about a few other things. I miss having someone in general yes, but no one specific. Today I thought in my car, wow I miss holding a love’s hand with my right, and holding the steering wheel with my left, and just cruise around.

After that, I then thought, today is my birthday, and I received about 75 facebook Happy B.Day messages, and 25 cell texts/calls. There are people who care out there, who do give me some of there time and love. I am very thankful for that.

THENNNN some other things happened. Basically I am going to a funeral “viewing” tomorrow. I never been to a wedding, nor a funeral. I especially do not like knowingly putting myself in a sad position. I always like things light and happy. We will see, and I guess this is a part of life and growing up.

With that said, I am very thankful for my real friends, and awesome family. I know I have said and done some dumb things, I judge people sometimes, get caught up in dumb gossip, and I think of myself a lot, but times like these, I realize there is more and everyone is an imperfect human being.

"My friends, always Carpe diem, and strive for your goals. Motivate yourself with the words of being Citius, Altius, Fortius. The end is unpredictable and always Memento mori."
~Me
Carpe diem = (seize the day)
Citius, Altius, Fortius = (faster, higher, stronger)
Memento mori = (Remember that you are mortal, Remember you will die)

POEM- Nocturnal Uneasy Thoughts

(I wrote this just now at 4:00AM)

Misses competitive hockey,
Made me feel so alive,
Bout to go for a late night drive,
Calm summer nights,
Passing the street lights,
Red and Green lights,

Life on my own is finally here,
It’s sinking in and I am so scared.
Life on my own is opaque,
Wish it was a dream, and I would awake.

Why couldn’t life be a full time game of hockey
Be a champion like Rocky,

Next to me, Why can’t I have true friends?
They go threw my like weekly trends.
Leave me, never hang on,
Got very few to depend on.

Fake People, Using me
Wish I could see,
See the lies in their eyes,
That fake disguise,
Naive and giving goodbyes,

Maybe it’s about time, I re-see,
Maybe its not you, it’s me?

Either way, I am able to say,
I give my Love everyday,
And know I have a few who won’t betray,
Thankful for the day.

Still missing competitive hockey,
Made me feel so alive,
Finished my late night drive,
Calm summer nights,
Passing the street lights,
Red and Green lights

We all come and go,
Fast and slow,
Living the only way we know.

Plato and Pursuit of Happiness

It’s pretty remarkable how a single individual can make such profound impact on society and for the endless generations to come. It’s even more remarkable how the impact deals with knowledge, creations, ideas, and views. Plato, is a extraordinary individual, and brings up an idea that very much intrigues me.

Platonic Soulmates.

A long time ago, there were these creatures, basically comprised of two human people. Their rulers were the gods above, and these creatures wanted to act and be just like the gods in every way. The closer they got to being godly, the more worried the gods became. They decided action was necessary to eliminate all chances of these creatures becoming godly. So, the gods divided each creature into two halves, and threw them all over the world. Since these creatures were hermaphrodites, one half became male and the other half became female. Occasionally, a creature would not be hermaphroditic; therefore, when split, two females or two males resulted. This is who Plato accounts for homosexual relationships. All of the hermaphroditic creatures enable heterosexual relationships. All of this is a part of nature, since long ago, both creatures were quite natural. Anyway, as the gods split the creatures into two, they mixed the halves all up around the world. Some of the halves, now people, got scattered rather closely, which is why some people DO find their soul mate. Others got thrown half way around the world. So, some might not ever find their soul mates. This was the ultimate plan of the gods because without the other half, the creatures could not be totally happy or sufficient.

Let me repeat this, “This was the ultimate plan of the gods because without the other half, the creatures could not be totally happy or sufficient.”

My comments: WHAT? Is this why I want to travel the world so bad, and why I always feel this emptiness within me? I know I am Gemini, and have a real fraternal twin, but I always feel the need to have a partner. I am independent, and do not need anyone, I just have more fun and feel fuller with someone.

I guess this is a great romantic idea, but in today’s society highly unrealistic. Not to mention Un-Christian. But, I was just thinking, hey our society is the numb, forgetful, and in a technology filled environment that doesn’t even know how to love anymore, anyway...So sometimes hearing 'romantic stories' can be inspiring.



NEXT TOPIC

Pursuit of Happiness

I just watched this movie for the first time last night. DANGG

Based on a true story about a man named Christopher Gardner, (bla bla) Chris Gardner has big dreams for him and his family but it doesn't seem to come together for him. Chris has an opportunity to be a stock broker but first he has to go through a grueling internship which means no pay. Chris decides to do it but when his wife leaves and he is evicted, he has to take care of his son on his own. So they find themselves sometimes living on the street and struggling to get by. But Chris is determined to make it. (imdb.com)

He eventually makes it through. But the whole movie was a struggle. The audience could feel it. There was this knot of reoccurring disappointment, and low levels of hope that it wasn’t going to end badly. I could completely relate this movie to my own life. Only difference, is Chris knows what he wants and what he wants to protect…Me, I just want to continue a Pursuit of Happiness. It’s foggy right now.



Quotes,

Christopher Gardner: It was right then that I started thinking about Thomas Jefferson on the Declaration of Independence and the part about our right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. And I remember thinking how did he know to put the pursuit part in there? That maybe happiness is something that we can only pursue and maybe we can actually never have it. No matter what. How did he know that?

Christopher Gardner: [voice-over] This part of my life... this part right here? This part is called "being stupid.”

Reverend Williams: The important thing about that freedom train, is it's got to climb mountains. We ALL have to climb mountains, you know. Mountains that go way up high, and mountains that go deep and low. Yes, we know what those mountains are here at Glide. We sing about them.

Black Ice Hockey League ???

Many people ask: Who was the first African American ice hockey player in the US?

Then someone will answer: The first African American to play in the National Hockey League was Willie O'Ree, whose first game was January 18, 1958 with the Boston Bruins. O'Ree played two games with the Bruins that season and 43 games with the Bruins in the 1960-1961 season. He spent the majority of his career with Los Angeles and San Diego of the Western Hockey League. O'Ree is credited with 4 goals and 10 assists in his 45 NHL games


But No one will show or tell you about what this video says here! amazing!!!!


Black Ice: Early African-American Hockey 1895-1925 - Celebrity bloopers here

Motorcycle Nights and Morning Surgeries.

Tuesday June 9th I had a meeting in downtown Atlanta. My friend, Terrance (older student, and from Trinidad). wanted to take me to my meeting on his motorcycle. I have never been on one before, I was like, "Why not? I am going to the hospital in the morning anyway. You Only Live Once" So we raced down 110mph at some points, and still got there 10 min late. haha. I loved it. I want to learn to ride one and buy one now. What a great Adrenaline rush!

Then Wednesday I woke up at 4am and went to the hospital for my surgery. It really hit me when I got in the car and my nerves got running. I walked in, signed more papers, got my wrist band, pee'd in a cup, put on the ugly gown with ugly socks, and then waited for another cold hour until the nurse did the IV thing, (Which freaks me out every time!) and for the anesthesiologists to drug me up. During the wait, my dad was way to quiet and I really needed someone to talk to and take my mind off things. When the nurse was in, she tried teasing me the night gown and IV and I would laugh and throw jokes back at her. When my Surgeon/Doctor came in. I was laughing, and really go with the flow with his new statements. The surgeon, nurse, and, anesthesiologists all thought I was "goofy" and couldn't believe I was laughing and having such a good spirit about it. (honestly, when I am nervous, I laugh or try to say things to make it sound less dramatic)

Anywhoo, the Dr. said a few things before he was scrubbing in.

1. Notified me he researched my last surgery, (2004)and how my fallopian tubes where infected and twisted. Plus an ovarian cyst.
2. explain the surgery about going into my belly button.
3. Said he will get the cyst on, no problem. but if there is a problem with the tube, he suggests (And so did fertility treatment centers he asked) to take out the infected and useless fallopian tube. I can still have babies with the other one.
5. BUT...getting the fallopian tube out could mean staying in hospital for 2 more nights, and be out for 3 weeks. Plus another larger incision.
6. I had to sign more papers, and agree to him to just cut me open more and get rid of the dead tube. He said I could wait longer, and reschedule it since I am not in intense pain. but i said, "Lets fix it today, I cant wait any longer, Its been over 3 months of pain, and not to be rude, even if I am not a 10 pain level, it still hurts, and it's a bitch." The he smiled, and said alright!


Sooo there is was. I was about to get anesthesia and not know if I was going to wake up in 3 hours or in 3 days. Scared, but ready to get fixed!

I woke up soon after, with blood and band aides around me. they gave me some Gatorade and my father told me that they did remove the tube. And I got lots of drug/pain/antibiotics for me to take home. Stayed bit longer. then came home, slept most of day. still in pain, walk some, not huge appetite. but overall very GOOD!

I am so thankful it all worked out, had a great support system, and family/friends who cared.

Life really is good. and I am thankful for everyone who actually called me, wanted to hear my story, stopped by, and were just truly sincere. I know I have a lot of fake friends, but no I know I have many true one's too.

Tomorrow I can shower, 1 week of meds, 2 weeks can likely swim and be active (Good since I am coaching Thrashers Hockey Camp!) 3 weeks. I go for check up and be 100% again.

I got my license, future healthy body, doing well in school, enjoying warm weather, got few part time jobs, and the Green Machine is all mine now. (twin got a car yest.)

My goal for this summer is to do well in school, and get my body in great shape again! also go skydiving and see my friend Melitta in Toronto.

Other life goals: Travel the world, find a job in L.A or Atlanta, audition for one movie, write a screenplay, learn to play guitar and turn some of my poems into lyrics, learn another language, learn to ride a motorcycle, stick shift car, get Level 5 USA hockey coaching certification, coach a girls travel team, maybe get a tattoo, find my true love, and perhaps a few others.

Thanks again to all the good people out there!

XOXOXO

POEM - Flashbacks

Flashbacks. Written 4/25/09 (Flight home from Pittsburgh)

Crying on the phone,
Sitting all alone.
Kings of Leon comes on again,
Use Somebody, Be Somebody,
It’s hard to let go,
Living this past, all I know.
Wow, they all remembered me with a smile,
And the sunny day made me wanna stay awhile.
Guess this is the travel life I wanna live,
Come, go, give, give.
Will I ever find my soulmate?
Guess I gotta travel the world and wait.
I know you, you knew me.
Time changed us, and it would never be.
Tea and cookies on the plane here,
Orange Pekoe helping me soothe clear.
Choaking chest tight,
Eyes closed, not feeling right.
Guess its good to be feeling something,
No longer continuing to be numb.
Maybe this is a stepping stone,
To something I have never known.
Going to keep those feet moving,
One two, One two, just proving.
I could use somebody, I could be somebody,
Maybe it’s all here already.

Pray for Your Tormentor

There are number of instances in life when people hurt us, either with their actions or with their words. Want to know some ways to deal with the pain?

One: Here is a class experiment I read about:

In a class a professor, drew a small dot on the white board, and asked his students what they see. Everyone, shouted in unison "A dot".

The professor asked them to look carefully and answer. But their answer was the same. Then he asked his students, that can not they see the white board, the wall on which it is hung, the professor and the table in front of him. The students were amazed at their own answer, because, they in fact could see much more than the dot. But then previously why they could not see it all?

The reason as the professor explained was "Focus". What we are focusing in life? Because, he drew a dot everyone saw the dot. When he brought their attention to other things they could see it as well, but not before that.

In our lives we focus at the problem, and keep on harping about it. But in fact, the solution is situated not inside but outside the problem. All we need to learn is to look at the white board and not at the dot.

Now, there is this person bothering you, abusing, you, making you feel miserable, though you want to be friends with him or her. And you are feeling bad, exactly as this person wanted. But there is an escape to this. Now next time something like this happens, and you are feeling negative try "praying."

I pray to God to give me strength and tolerance

Again, where is your focus? When you pray to God and ask for strength and tolerance you actually believe that you lack it. Your focus automatically is on your misery and it gets reinforced in your mind and you eventually feel more miserable.

So, next time rather than praying for yourself, pray for your tormentor. Jesus when he was on cross was not praying for himself, but for people who were crucifying him. He said "Father, forgive them, they do not know what they are doing."

Pray, for the person who has done you wrong. He is the person who should be pitied and not you. Think, how much he or she has lost, by behaving the way he/she did. He/she has lost the pleasure of a beautiful relationship with a nice person like you. He/she has become lonelier, more secluded, and all by himself/herself. Don't you think such a person needs your help? You can help by praying for him/her.

Since you are praying for someone else, you are the giver. You can not feel negative when you are giving.


"God grants us our wishes when we are praying for others" and "No one has the right to hurt you against your wish."

Have faith and do well. You are not alone. God is always there with you!


http://ezinearticles.com/?How-Deal-With-People-Who-Hurt-You&id=733249

Wise Words that fit with my night last night

"But don't be blinded love, when you realize that it's best for both of you move on or even if it is only one of you who wants to move on... in my eyes love is about letting the person you love be actually who he/she is and wants to be... and if that means letting go.... well than you show love for the other person."
~My friends from Denmark

" If you two are meant to be together.....you will end up together...might not be now and it might be now.....but you will find eachother again.... If not....then there is even better things waiting for you... maybe not the first person you meet after this but trust there is....."
~My friend from Denmark

“Don't try to force chemistry between two people or else it may just blow up at you.”
~Anon

I was involved with a dude for way too long, knew it wasn't right, and last night that forced chemistry blew up. I am not sad b/c i got played, lied to, and lost a friend. I knew that was going to happen. I am sad/scared, b/c it just defines my search for that right person. I can't have a fall-back-boy or a temp-person to keep me from getting lonely. It just puts me in a real position for faith and hope.

Brightside~ There are good people out there. I mean, I can't feel like such a loser, bad person, and so on b/c of this....yesterday

1. I had one guy from across the world dedicate a song to me that I never actually met. He was just being a good friend.

2. Another guy from miles away wants to drive down here to ATL just hang out, explore a new city, and b/c we both just like to have fun, and connect well.

3. My hot body guard friend told me he would be my superman, when he saw me frown.

I do not mean to sound like some ego-selfish semi-pretty girl. I am trying to say. Their are good people out there. and I shouldn't be so scared or worried about find the right one.

Don't be Selfish

So past few days I have been alone in my apartment and thinking about me, me, me. I lost my license for speeding, need surgery, haven't been able to workout for 3 months because of my condition, boy department sucks as usual, work is difficult because no car, and missing hockey!

But you know what? who cares. Its summer, I have so much, and things always turn out ok.

Right now my dad's company he worked for, for over 35 years is going bankrupt. (GM) . He lost his job, money, retirement, and his whole life! You know what he is doing? Helping me! yea, Helping me find a car, Helping me to the hospital, and making sure I graduate alright this July.

That's Love. That's real. That's Selfless.

As different as my dad and I are, I can learn a lot from him and be truly thankful for being so blessed with a great family.

Lets not bring the WAH-Ambulance, Lets keep dancing with the ones we love.

Life is short.


"What do we live for, if it is not to make life less difficult for each other?"
~Geroge Eliot

“Remember even though the outside world might be raining, if you keep on smiling the sun will soon show its face and smile back at you.”
~Anon

POEM - Solo Gemini

"And I'm surrounded,
So I put a skip in my step,
Can’t be Grounded.

Intellectually inclined,
Prefer Dalliances over dances,
Diving to take all chances.

Still surrounded,
With walls keeping me in,
Loneliness has been founded.

Myriad interests and mercurial vitality,
Curious, clever, charming, congenial,
Living with a youthful mentality,

Looking for summer sidekick.
Seduction, serenity, sun,
Love will be won.

Time to find,
Join me, and unwind,
Time and smiles is all I need,
You can even take the lead."



........My friend PJ then wrote:

"Through the window he watches them dance,
waltz around in dizzying romance,
he never felt up to taking his chance,
so from the edge of the world,
he laments the lost dalliance."

Then I responded with:

"But he needs to break down the window glass,
Join the game, change the loneliness forecasts.
Holding it all in will cause destruction,
How can he forever resist her seduction.
It’s all easier said, than done,
As I lay here alone with the midnight sun."